October 29, 2006

I’ve got an amazing mom!

She drove all the way here from Toronto in rain and in the dark to stay with me here in Loo for 2 days. Since I can’t even move because of my pain, she did everything for me – grocery shopping, cooking (oh yum yum – the soup and the fish and the salads were soooo delicious!! I haven’t had that in a while) … she even cleaned my room!! (I can’t believe it; where did the find dust anyway – I clean it every week) …. but moms will be moms and at the end of the day we’re still their little kids (mama- gaga ….) …oy…. (I feel overprotected – but I’m a grown up individual!!)

When I as a little girl I loved it when mom bought me Kinder Surprise when I was sick. Now she doesn't have to do that ... but not because I grew up ... but because I got a whole stack of them from my boyfriend hahaha ...euh ... I feel like a 2 year old again. Because it hurts to even talk I was pointing fingers indicating what I want and mom was there at all times. She even made me laugh – oh but hurt so much! (Mom please don’t do that !)

In the evenings she told me stories about grandma and grandpa … I love to hear them over and over. … Me and grandpa (although I never met him) have so much in common – passion for chess, languages, big forehead …. and now pain in lungs – he was wounded during the war in the lung – grandpa I can feel what you were feeling! I feel like a wounded soldier too. …. Maybe he re-incarnated into me? :o … oy…

With all this care and soups and garlic I’m starting to feel better, yey!

I guess if I can’t make it home – home will make it here! :)
Thank you mom!!

October 28, 2006

My Octobedventure

September 27, 3:20 pm. I’ve been waiting for this day and time for the entire month now! This is the time I write my last midterm (possibly ever!) and will give myself a long weekend to relax and have fun. I would go to Toronto, visit my lovely family and spend some time with my dear boyfriend who has been waiting for me for so long. There is an Office Visit at Deloitte on the 30th – where I recently got a full time job (I’m sooo happy), which promises to be tons of fun – I’d meet lots of new people, “dine at cities finest restaurants” and get a chance to speak to the leaders of Deloitte.

…. Not going to happen……

How hard I’ve been working this entire month to get to this point. Went through 3 interviews – 2 of which were in TO, stressed myself out because I didn’t have a job description for one of the jobs which I had an interview for … finally got a job – my dream job (for now anyways); plumaged my way through all the course material for each midterm (I think I over-studied again) – all while having this non-ending cough which seemed to get better at times …… seemed …….

So now it’s September 27, 2:00 pm … I’m ready for my last midterm, and yet thoughts like: what if something unexpected happens and I don’t get to write it…. what if I don’t do well … what if …. what if….. thoughts like this - still bother me. So finally I arrive to the examination place – my brain is ok, cough (and now my new six-pack and muscle pain from the cough) - that I can ignore …. I’m ready to write the midterm and start celebrating. … I walk into the building and before I know it, my legs go flying in opposite directions and I somehow land on my Marry-Poppins umbrella (from my dear Slawek). Of course, none of my falls ever go unnoticed (last time I fell in front of my prof while riding my bike on a wet grass). This time, there was some guy walking towards me and I almost knocked him off his feet. Now that would have been a disaster, but likely he managed to swing by me and even offered me to get up from the wet floor – how nice!

3:00 pm – phew – midterms seems pretty easy ….

3:20pm – I’m done!!! Time to celebrate, but before that I might as well go to the doctor to make sure that my cough is nothing serious …..

Pnemonia.

Now I can feel the real pain in my lungs. Now I know it’s not my new six-pack. Now I know that I shouldn’t ignore long lasting cough and pain. As I lie in bed I feel like my lungs are pressing me down and I can barely move. I’ve never felt my lungs before. For some reason, I can just picture myself being on that Body Science display and people walking around and comparing my pneumonic lungs to healthy ones. Maybe I’m falling asleep ….. and none of this is happening.

But the reality stays reality. No Toronto this weekend. I have to take care of myself now and make sure I’m ok to continue classes next week. … I guess I should be thankful that at least midterms are over and that I’ve got such a supporting family and boyfriend.

 

October 22, 2006

Why I am into my man - Slawko:

-he talks like Levine from Anna Karenine (even though he couldn’t get past 100 pages of that book) and is as romantic as Prince Bolkonsky from War and Peace; he even looks like what I imagined Prince Bolkonsky to look like!

-he sweet-talked me into our first date

-he brings me berries and flowers each time he comes to visit me in Waterloo (just like the Red Hood)

-he lets me poke him, tease him, pull his hair (gently), step on his feet, warm my cold hands against his warm back, bite him (gently) …. and he actually enjoys it

-he always takes me out to nice places

-he has a “bad boy” look and vocabulary, with 100% reassurance that he is a “good boy” … turns me on like no tomorrow!

-he can dance! ... kinda

-he fell for me because of my looks …. my personality and brains came much later ….. what a real man!

-he doesn’t drive like a maniac

-if I were to take a picture of him every day for a year he would look different in 365 ways without even doing a thing; so, it’s like dating a new man everyday except that the love and the warmth of his heart carries all the way through

-he is sooo caring and charming and sweet …..

-he keeps saying he loves me despite all my efforts to prove him wrong

-when I screw up, somehow he takes the blame and (even apologizes) as if it was his fault

-he’s goofy

-I get lost in his eyes …. and when I find myself back – I feel like I’ve just descended from heaven

-he bought me Clinex when I sneezed

-he calls me “Ola” because it takes too much effort for him to pronounce “Olya” and Gosh I love the way he’s saying it !!

-he has so much respect for me – he even had to ask me for a permission to kiss me ….

-he sends me tons of text messages a day full of passion and affection

-we have an imaginary dog – Sparky … it brings us closer together

-every single moment with him is just amazing! No words can describe it.

 

September 15, 2006

A picture worth 1000 words...

 

... and falling in love during exam period does increase your performance and average (well mine)! I highly recommend it :)

 

August 7, 2006

My prof once said: " don't fall in love during exam period " .... if she only knew how glad I am that I didn't listen.

Ladies and gentlemen - I think I'm falling in love ... with Slawek.

1 more exam on the 10th - damn it!

 

June 25, 2006

What a great day! Of course everyday that involves chess is a great day for me.

 

Here I was studying for my two midterms this coming week, carrying on with the workload as usual … wishing for it to end a.s.a.p ….trying not to think too much of my chess life that I’ve left behind…. and then half an hour later, as if unexpectedly (cause I didn’t want to believe it until it happened) I’m back in this new old world of mine –the world of chess. I’m sitting in the City Hall, in Kitchener, listening to Pascal Charbonneau lecture about his experience at the chess Olympics, examining his game that he won against Anand Viswanathan – one of the strongest men in the world of chess today.

I’m so into this game and the whole chess atmosphere I forget everything else......

.......Some time later I come back to my senses – after I make an impulsive, poorly thought-out, (plain stupid) move in my game against Pascal. It’s all lost. I begin to remember that I have two midterms to study for, that soon I’ll be back into my daily studying routine, that in the past six years or so I only played in two tournaments and that if I want to play another chess game that will make me happy I better do some preparation. It’s quite sad when reality sinks back in.

I had a great time. …(despite my embarrassing loss) ... For few moments I was back into one of my favourite worlds. I can hardly wait will I get my B.A. … although I know that when I’ll be getting too much of chess I’ll be missing this world.

And that’s how it goes.

 

June 15, 2006

The Stains On My Jeans (an extract from my diary)

Ah, the stains on my favourite pair of jeans ... the ones I got in my first year of University and been wearing them to classes ever since … they’ve been taking care of me for all these years, it’s my turn to take care of them.

The stains on my jeans - let me count the ways I got them – all in one single day of my student life in UW.

The coffee stain was put on in the early morning – while rushing for my 8:45am Stat midterm. Who writes math midterms that early? I guess the profs really want to test whether we can do math in our sleep! Ok, fair enough. We can do it! (hardcore mathies yeah!)

The chocolate stain was obtained as I stuffed myself with my favourite brain food to keep the grey matter working on the preparation for the second, this time 7pm, midterm. Unfortunately, my jeans weren’t the only parts of me to get chocolate on, but that’s another story.

The paint stain I got from not being able to walk straight after so much studying and bumping into a ….. actually I’m not quite sure what. I sort of ‘bumped’ into several things today – door knob, stair handle (or how do you call this thing?), table corner …. the paint stain is green so I assume it came from the stair handle at school.

The huge grass’n dirt stain on my “boottie” – the one I’m quite proud of, I got from falling off the mountain-board and sliding down the little hill. … I had to do something fun after all these midterms, right? This is exactly why I never went snowboard or skiing, although always been so temped.

The smoothie stain – well it just had to happen: Olie was chilling downtown Waterloo under the bright stars …. with my friend Chris beside me, smoothie in my hands, distant karaoke music from Silver Spur, fresh, gentle, warm wind wrapping me around …. exams, assignments, projects, problems - all behind me for the rest of the night. How much more perfect does this gets?

………………………………………………………………………………………….

This is my last year of University. I can’t believe how great this term is going and I can hardly wait till my next term because I’m so excited about the courses – probably more than I’ve ever been. What happened to me this term? The workload is the heaviest and yet I’m chilling and chilling (without jeopardizing my marks that is). I’ve changed ? … As my friend put it: I finally became “normal”. Hahaha, I guess I’m sticking to the promise I made to myself – go out everything week and have fun – no matter how many midterms, projects etc are due. I don’t know why I did not make this promise to myself before. It’s great! Perhaps, I’ve realized that hard work doesn’t always pays off and my student life will soon change into something else – something more serious, unpredictable (yet), more responsible, perhaps more exciting, perhaps, perhaps …into all these things I have not experienced before and I will welcome them with open arms.

But for now – I’ll just chill. All of the things to come - can wait.


I’m debating whether I should do laundry to wash the stains away or never wear my jeans again to keep them as a souvenir to remind myself of the –relatively- careless times when nothing but exams and assignments pre-occupied my mind and time, when nothing else worried me as much as typical things that typical students worry about.

It’s almost 2 in the morning; I’m glaring at my jeans lost in thought. What a great day it was but already the calendar screams June 16th! I can’t believe how fast the time flies by!

May 2, 2006

Mystery Solved …. and Olie is busted!

I’m so thrilled! :) To me this little story is amazing ...

I always enjoyed writing poems; it all began when I was five. And I never stopped.
When I was a kid it was always about cookies, chocolate and animals – my favourite things. As I’ve grown, my poems became more personal – more about feelings, people, things I’ve experienced; some of them have hidden message to someone in particular (sometimes it’s my choice of communication, although this person may never know it’s for him/her), some are about my inner joy, pain, experiences; some are inspirational (well to me anyway) … Some I just wrote out of wack and they have no meaning – I was just having too much fun writing them.

A couple of years ago, that is, in my first year of University, I wrote a lot of poems and for the most part they were just inspirational. At that time, we used to live in Toronto in our old apartment building. Right across, on the same floor, were living a couple of guys. Occasionally, we would say hello to each other, ride the elevator together and meanwhile have a 30 – 60 seconds chats. That was pretty much it.

They seemed to be nice and friendly, but there was always a cloud of smoke squeezing out from their place and I always smelled it as I entered my apartment (and you know how much I don’t like smoking). Plus, our age difference seemed to me to be quite high at the time, so I never made any effort to get to know them. Neither did they.

One day, as I was leaving for Waterloo and my family was about to re-allocate from that place to a new one, I walked into my apartment (one last time) (and naturally passed by theirs). Guess what I smelled? I felt sad that these guys were “wasting” their health on cigarettes, losing their brain cells just like that.

And then adrenaline kicked in. Knowing that they won’t see me again and having nothing to lose, I wrote some of my (inspirational) poem(s) on a peace of paper and dropped them into their mailbox – with no signature of course. … And then I ran. … (If they had been home at the time I could have been caught). I don’t know what I wanted to achieve with that …. I can’t really comment on it. It was my kind of thing to do at that time I guess.

Three years (maybe more) have passed. I’ve never seen them again. I totally forgot all about it. Completely.

 

Then last February, I bump into one of them at FCP – place where I did my last co-op work term, (let’s call this guy John – a fictional name). We recognized each other, exchanged contact info, finally found out each other names (we didn’t know it at the time), went out for lunch, chatted on msn …. I knew it was a nice and friendly guy! :)

Then John commented on one of my msn pics and I sent him my website. Now you know where this is going.

Few weeks later (ie today), John sends me a message on msn “I have finally solved a mystery. …someone dropped notes in our mail slot maaaany years ago … and we never knew who they were from … very cute ;) ”

I was stunned, when it all came back to me. Unbelievable! And I thought they would never find out. So BUSTED!! :P, haha, but I don’t mind.

We chatted more, I made sure this incident didn’t freak them out (I was worried about that a little tee-hee). John thought the poems were from his Ex-girlfriend, hahaha …woops … sorry…. They hung them on their fridge for a while and that just made my day for today! :)


By the way, John stopped smoking (oh I’ve nothing to do with that!), but that’s great! :)
I’m happy for you John, although it’s none of my business :P

 

April 21, 2006

The work term is coming to the end. In one week I’m back to school, back to the student life – a big change from a working professional, a change in mentality once again. A change from high heals and business attire to baggy, sporty wear and sneakers (especially now that I won’t be leaving my home without my bike like girls don’t leave their homes without make-up). A change of people who surround me and let me grow. … Eh bien! Let’s enjoy the change! :)

Reflecting back on the term, I can see how much I’ve grown. Sometimes I even ask myself – did I have life before I turned 22 and went through the past four month? I’ve made some shocking discoveries about people around me, the way “things work” (according to them, according to me and according to reality that we may never know fully) and most importantly myself. How come I was blind to these things before? My bubble of protection from corruption has been burst forever.

I’ve met some interesting people; but unlike at any other times, they really got me. (I’m trying hard here not to give it away, for at the end of the day we’re all just players on stage, as Shakespeare put it). I got to know them, I got to listen to them, I got to see what they do and …boom! … [explosion!]... I just could not believe my ears, could not believe my eyes. I was just shocked. For a moment, I lost my entire faith in this world – where I had the most trust (and this is just “my world” surrounding me only, nevermind the wars, political disputes, injustice in the rest of the world where matters are ‘corrupted’ beyond believe) – felt like I was just born yesterday and know nothing about people. I was afraid of this corrupted world, afraid that I am too – becoming corrupt – oh, what a ‘dready’ word. I even realized that I’m not far from being “one of those girls” that I thought I never was and never would be. I guess we don’t fully know ourselves until …….[another explosion] …. and we’ll be surprised ….

[This is where I want to pause and just be thankful to my family and my friends (esp. K.A., K.M. and A.Z.) for being there for me, for healing my protective bubble and putting me back on my path where values such as integrity, dignity, honesty, integrity (again), respect and kindness matter, really matter. Thank you for listening to my complaints, for reading my long emails, for being strong when I wasn’t.]

Alors, now that I’ve fully re-adjusted to this “new world”, I guess it’s not that corrupt after all. It is kinda wonderful too. And if I filter out all the B.S. I’ve gotten this term from some people, and leave corruption where it lays without bringing it back home, without “carrying” it around with me – the world is even greater – more pure, more honest, more kind, more beautiful!

A valuable lesson to be learned from all of this (and this where I am talking to myself):

Always, always keep your integrity – never forget it, never let it go. No matter what, no matter how tempting.

In my definition it is the most beautiful word that in my mind comprises of many many values – beyond this text. It means always “keeping it cool”, looking at things/circumstances from an unbiased, fresh perspective; not letting things that bother you get into you to the point where you jeopardize the values you hold; not judging anyone or anything; always being honest, kind, supportive, understanding of others, and so much more. I don’t know if it is possible for a human being like me to keep up to these standards that I’ve incorporated into this word, but if I always remember it, especially in tough situations and reach to it, I will only be getting closer and closer. And I guess it’s alright to lose it sometimes only to learn from mistakes and become a better person.

An interesting observation and lesson I’ve learned. Being supportive and being there for say person X does not actually mean that we support and help him/her to get through hard times the way we think we do. In fact, we might be doing the opposite. For example, if a doctor is taking care of an ill patient, administering her a drug, pushing her to do this and that because it has generally been proven to be a healthy thing to do and will contribute to her healing and health, it does not necessarily mean that it is the best thing to do from Doctor’s part. In fact, it may be hurting the patient (perhaps because of an incorrect diagnosis, or some unknown factors). And actus non facit reum nisi mens sit rea ("the act will not make a person guilty unless the mind is also guilty") is not really an excuse. I guess reading the signs and bi-products of patient’s “recovery process” and progress is the key to guide the doctor into the right direction even if it means abandoning traditional medicine and going counter intuitive. … and some people are just self-destructive – should a doctor really interfere in such cases?

Well there was also lots of good things happening this term. Lots of fun stuff. In fact, too much fun, if there is such a thing. ;)

What a great work term it was!
What will the summer bring?

 

April 16, 2006

This Poem Sucks

Playing back the memories
As clear as it can be
The image of you and me
Is dancing away from joy mixed with misery.

How much is too much?
How little is just enough?
How real is something you cannot touch?
How can you tell hate from love?

Playing back the memories
As vague as it can be
Subject to error the eye cannot see
True feelings that fled the eternity.

How much are perceptions distorted by noise?
How much do we see from what we want to see?
His beautiful eyes, are they green, blue or turquoise?
Do we all live our own reality?

Playing back the memories
I’m savouring the gentle kiss of his bite
Absorbing his mourning, hatred and spite
Perplexed in what happened I’m searching for light.

….and constructive memory begins to kick in …

March 23, 2006

Alright, alright, I admit that perhaps I was ‘under the influence’ when I wrote that last post :)… ah, how I love being sarcastic over my own ‘misery’.
Everything is so great now :)…. I must be back on top of the wave.
I’m just wondering … if a guy is willing to do girlish things with a girl – ie being her male girlfriend, (for example go shopping with her) does this mean … ‘trouble’? Cause O-o ...
But if a girl does ‘manly’ things with a guy (for example play chess, haha … alright, say … hmm can’t think of anything, other than like rockclimbing or watching man–type movie) … but if there was such a thing then it probably wouldn’t mean ‘trouble’, right?

Cool, I love being a girl! :)

 

 

March 20, 2006

Hi all my dear friends - those who keep asking me why I don't post anything on my website anymore. I'm in deep contemplation. Perhaps this will explain:

‘Women are like waves’. I’m like a wave. Going through some highs and lows again, but always staying above the water. This short life stage that I’m surfing through certainly is exciting. The end of the ‘student life’ is coming soon. I’ll be graduating this year-end :) and can hardly wait! It is so close. In a heartbeat, I can picture myself in this whole new life -life after graduation – and the possibilities that come with it. Can I scream from joy, for the exams era is FINALLY coming to an end soon? Can I scream from fear, for what I’m picturing is …is … Ah! … so many paths to chose from, each leading to a totally different life and I cannot quite foresee where! It’s like playing cards (which I know nothing about) – ‘idiot’ I think the game is called, where you know which cards are off the game, you know which ones you’re holding, but you don’t know which cards are left in the deck and which cards your opponents have – and you have to pick one from your opponent’s hand. .... Surprise!!

And there are no guarantees. No way of knowing what card you’ll get [where each life- path will lead to]. Alright, at least in the card game you can ‘innocently’ mark all the cards [chose the safest path, safest job, safest marriage?] and know which one is which. But then it’s not really fun. It’s almost like playing God then. You know who has what [you’re comfy in your environment, same old people], have some control over the game [quiet, fairly predictable (a little boring) life], know more than opponents do [hmmm], feel kind of guilty [regretting you didn’t go for something bigger in life]…. No surprises, no joy of ‘accomplishment’, no joy of feeling ‘lucky’. A point for playing [a point for living predictable life]? Money [marry rich?]? Feeling of ‘superiority’ [Follow Donald Trump]? Just to pass the time [play it safe now and then see what happens]? Meh…..

Life should be challenging, exciting, rewarding, enriched with surprises. ….euh ….. Up to us to make it beautiful.

Is life art? We’re all ‘sculpturing’ it in our own, unique ways. We’re all artists!

So here I am, in December 2006, having completed my last Bachelor’s exam ever! Full of new hopes and dreams. Should I head off to Europe right away? [ooh it’s gonna be chilly]. Should I just get a job and keep working my @$$ off? [errr…. Very possible, but I can then take my time off in summer and travel then! Weee, applause]. Should I just chill for a bit and figure out what I want in this life? [thumb up, (I said "thumb"! I know what you're thinking B...and A... and L ...)]. Or should I do something moderately wicked and head off to Montreal for example, to improve mon francais? [sound very yummi].

Speaking about the trip to Europe. Always wanted to do it with my [future] fiancée. But the way things are going – he’s not even on the horizon, so I have to twist this idea now and settle for less pleasure [heu-heu-heu, I adore French laugh]. And why is he not on the horizon? It seems like the meaning of love is just disappearing from the face of the earth these days. Are people too busy? Too demanding? Too picky? Too quick to turn away? Too ... too ... too ... Oh boy, am I? The concept of sticking around for someone is fading with the speed of light it seems. Even for a friend. Sad. …. I look at my mid-to-late twenties friends. All single! ALL!! This really scares me. And why are they all single? Too busy, too demanding, too picky, too quick to turn away, too … too …too (no, I'm not on a train!) ... oh, maybe they just haven’t met their match! That must be it. Aaahhhh…..if before, I always thought that people should do small sacrifices, little compromises here and there, in any relationship, in order for it to work, well now I’m starting to accept the idea that big, Large, HUGE!! compromises need to be made! Sad. Reality? Maybe. … awww….. it boils down to like picking the best from the worst things that you can forgo … auch …. But we’re all in the same boat, kiss-@$$! … All my friends laugh at me when I say that I’ll never meet my Pierre Bolkonskiy (War and Peace) … hah, we’ll see who’ll laugh in the end [ie 112 year old, wrinkled, shrinking, bony, single Olya, who never got married … oh, and did I mention that according to my genes I will live a super-duper long life? I have to account for that after my graduation … maybe go back to University at 55, or after I'm bored being retired for like 40 years]… so as I was saying, the Euro-trip is on the list. I will not find my Pierre [and now regaining my lost optimism I squeal back -] He will find me!! Weeeeeeee …euh …. Shhh….

Oh yes, I also have to play in some wicked chess tournament before I turn 25, and then at age 50 and then 100. I can just see the headline in some local newspaper in 2084 – “100 year old woman, single out of her mind, is committing her last act of desperation – trying to win the Canadian Under 110 category, as if trying to make up for her 100 years lost in vain search for the meaning of life and true love.”

 

 

January 27, 2006

All it took was a few days of sick leave, spent entirely in bed, doing virtually nothing but contemplating. Listening to the four hour interview with Lazarev (Russian parapsychologist) about Karma has also stirred me to the right direction – towards a revelation of the past, current and possibly future evens of my life, although had a very minimal impact.

This year is mine. Possibly the only year that I will ever have had that is mine. It’s the distance between the earth and the sun; it’s the moon and the stars in relation to whole universe, the whole galaxy, and the tiny tiny tiny live matter – a Capricorn – caught up in this perfect perplexity of time, space and universe in relation to its’ existence - me. I’ve reached the pick of life, for what I’m made of, my destiny, my fate, is now taking a pause, making me stop, feeling me up spirituality and helping me regain my breathe before the next large chapter of my life is to begin.

It seems like ever since I was a little girl, I always wanted to be somewhere else – not necessarily a particular place like Wonderland (although that too) but in time, anticipating this mysterious moment when I can say “Stop. This is perfect”. It’s like I’ve been waiting for something, as if to see where life will take me (or rather whether I can do everything I can to end up where my heart is calling me to be – this mysterious place, or space in time). Not that I didn’t like where I was – I was always happy (and still am); but it seems like I was searching and waiting (for I knew very well that I had to wait because only time would bring me there) for a moment which would reveal the answer to the question “Why am I alive? Or, what is the purpose of my life?” (I think answering these questions for everyone probably impossible since we all have different purposes in life and different ‘everything’)

We study, we work, some of us just party all the time, but whatever we do, or rather, whatever I did in my life had a goal, a purpose. Every action taken (whether right or wrong, whether realizing it or not) was leading me closer and closer – but to what?

To this. And what is to come! Now I’m almost ready; once this long (and yet very short) moment in my life will pass I can open a new chapter, go back on my runway, my hectic life full of excitement, expectations, joy, sorrow, pain, love, defeat, hope, admiration ….. Soon the sun and the moon will graciously move, time will start ticking faster and faster … But until then this is my time.

Perhaps more to come.

 

April 2, 2005

I’m sad … and yet delighted. Two weeks ago I came up with a chess position, where black won and yet was queen down. The idea was to find out where black has lost his/her queen by playing backwards. The moves played had to be good, assuming strong chess players played the game. ... See my full story HERE

 

March 19, 2005

Enjoyed the Crystal Ball 2005 competition. It was great!

February 26, 2005

I searched for love and inspiration
‘ Bonheur du Coeur’ was my destination

And then I saw … I felt … I liked

I inhaled beauty everywhere I went
The magic feeling within me just had no end.
I danced and laughed, I was inspired
I bathed in the stream of energy and never felt tired.

I liked … I tasted … I devoured

Time passed, I felt more deeply and I loved
I found fault, I blundered and I stumped
I thought, I readjusted … I adored
Then felt confused, completely lost and hurt
I was misunderstood, I was mistaken
Complexity of life shall thus not be forsaken
I analyzed, revealed, and I felt stressed
I learned, felt loved again, felt blessed.

And I devoured … and I listened …and I learned

And then I was afraid to let it go, afraid to lose
Whatever I had gained, I had to face the truth
I felt rejected, lost control, broke down and cried
I felt embarrassed, but found strength to retain my pride.

I learned … made decisions … I evolved

I ‘dipped’ down low and reached up high
While riding this wild rollercoaster – called Life.

- Feb 26, 2005

This poem pretty much summarizes everything that happened from Dec 3 – Feb26 … And yep, I’ve been going through some highs and lows lately. Now that I’m done with CSC (I passed, yey!!:D) I have 2 months to take it easy … which means fun fun fun! :p
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