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Heavenly Father look down on us your humble, obedient tourists, who are doomed to travel this earth taking photographs, mailing postcards, buying souvenirs, and walking around in drip-free underwear.

We beseech you Lord to see that our planes are not delayed, our luggage is not lost & overweight baggage goes unnoticed.

Give us this day your divine guidance in our selection of bed 'n' breakfast.

We pray that the toilets work and the telephone operators speak our tongue, that there are no emails from our children which would cause us to cancel the rest of our trip.

Lead us to good inexpensive restaurants where the wine is included in the price of the meal and local taxes are not added on later.

Give us the wisdom to tip correctly in currencies we do not understand. Make the natives appreciate us for the loving people we are, and not for what they can extract from our purses.

Grant us the strength to visit museums, the cathedrals, the palaces, and if we skip an important monument to take a nap after lunch, please have mercy on us as our flesh is weak.

Dear God please protect our wives from "bargains" they don't need, can't afford, and can't fit into their suitcases anyway. Lead them not into temptation, for they know not what they do.

Almighty Father, keep our husbands from looking at foreign women and comparing them to the vintage domestic model. Save them from making complete fools of themselves in nightclubs. Above all, do NOT forgive them their trepasses for they know exactly what they do. And worse, enjoy it.

When our journey is over. grant us the persistence to find someone who will watch our home movies and listen to our stories, so our lives as tourists will not have been in vain.

This we ask you in the name of Conrad Hilton,Thomas Cook American Express, Visa, & Mastercard.





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