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Here it is!(See addenda [A] history item 1.20)
The Disclaimer:
All views opinions text artwork photographs and other imagery located in this collection of (See addenda [A]) pages (See note 1) are mine (See note 2) and mine alone excepting either the case where I either quote or paraphrase another individual individuals company institution organisation or nation (See note 3) in which case I may append a short notice to that effect (See clause [a]) otherwise it can be safely said that I take the responsibility for any content in this web. Having understood that premise I feel you could quite safely pass on to the next web in your quest for the ultimate web-site where it not for the simple fact that there is in all probability no such thing and in the certainty of that fact my proposal that you browse through the hyperlinks in this web may lead you by the simple expedient of what is commonly known as surfing the net eventually to some site of sites that combined approximate to an ideal site subject to your tastes or interests at that time. During the course of your travels through my web there is a distinct possibility that you will come across something that either you do not agree with that strikes you as being patently absurd or even a component or components that appears or appear to be downright false. You may be mortally offended by the textual content or the inclusion of copyrighted data information images animations or sounds. If this is the case do not assume the position of a self-righteous guardian of the morals of this wonderful world we all live in and immediately rush off to your litigation lawyer but ponder awhile. The first item the user should consider is the hyperlink from which the arrival as such a page precipitated one. If that link had an italicised emphasis then in all probability it led out of my web to a page or pages over which I have no control whatsoever but placed the facility at the user's disposal to explore an avenue of interest. Returning to the subject of any possible litigation there are a number of things that you should consider: I am not afraid to speak my mind subject to the normal considerations of taste decency and fair play you are probably well over three thousand miles away but at the very least there is a stout red brick wall between us unless I specifically state that I know the facts to be true and the source of such information to be above all suspicion of being fraudulent then that belief is implicit in the appearance of the text. I am (See note 4) to constructive suggestions regarding the removing any of the aforementioned articles in fact any reasonable request. Considering these things it is wiser to think about the possible ramifications of your actions. I have the finance to undertake quite a costly lawsuit should the need arise. (See note 5) In a summation of all the above making care to include relevant clauses and notes and regarding the fact that the very reading of this document implies your distrust of my methods this does not entitle you to assume that any wording or phraseology herein means I guarantee any rights over and above those pertaining to normal use of this internet information and communication medium but with an overview of the state of the current legal systems throughout the world specifically relating to increased awareness of this relatively new technology I considered it was wisest to lodge some form of written agreement with the past (important note all information included herein is retrospective as of the date of the original creation of this document October 7 1997) current and potential user of my web-site. If you do not agree with one more a significant proportion or any of the statements and entreaties herein please click the blue turnip hyperlink on this page; doing so will automatically absolve me of all responsibility should you fall into a black hole at some time in the next 17 million years as a direct (see note 6) result of the viewing of this web. I haven't the faintest idea what the heck I'm talking about but doesn't the text above sound like I have consulted a legal mind of ferocious complexity and knowledge of the world's legal systems? (See the Disclaimer to the disclaimer notes clauses and disclaimer to the disclaimer)
Notes: exclusively intended to be read in conjunction with the disclaimer above.
1. For the words pages web-site web please substitute the more commonly known terminology homepage. .......... 2. For the words I me my mine and other such possessive word structures please be informed that the author of these web-pages shall be named Barrie Turner for the reason that that is the name the aforementioned person was given as a small child. As during the course of that person's life he acquired numerous other additional names bestowed by other individuals usually as terms of affection, extra consideration shall be given to the what is commonly called a nickname of Baz. .......... 3. For the intellectual property rights attached to any of the utterances of any of the preceding text to this note the possibility arises that in the forthcoming period of time known as the future there exists the possibility that intra- or extra-terrestrial life shall either be discovered or visit our solar system or whatever boundaries of human habitation shall be established by that time or times subject to the non-invention of time transport vehicles (See clause [b]) (see addenda [B]). Therefore the last listing of rights holders is not intended to be exclusive in any way. ..........4. Please be advised however that clicking on any hyperlink to which this note refers may result in the immediate opening of another window obscuring or partially obscuring the main browser window and you the user will be expected to compose a legally-binding document detailing the precise location of the change that you propose be made to the contents of the document or documents located in the web in which you are currently browsing. If such an action is morally abhorrent to your person please manually open the internet mail program on your computer apparatus and proceed to compose then send a message to the address at which I can be contacted displayed on the contact page on this web [deleted]. As an integral part of the construction of said message you will be expected to add at the very least the subject of the communication the return address to which I can reply the details of the exact changes to the pages which you propose I undertake. After an appropriate period of dialogue has elapsed I will consider the merits of your request and if satisfactory shall undertake the changes submitted. In the event that I deem no such change shall indeed take place then I will surely outline my reasoning processes in the form of a final binding email communication. The binding nature of said communication shall be detailed in the main body of the text and to agree or disagree to such conditions as laid down therein you will be expected to read understand and submit a reply based on the situation which such refusal will precipitate. .......... 5. Normally this situation would be correct but the sum total of the expenditure on my computer system the modem online and enhanced web-site charges my last two telephone bills the essential household services that enable me to indulge my internet habit hobby has forced me to concede that in this instance I cannot justify any court or other legal actions. .......... 6 The term direct pertains to any actions the user may undertake after removing their corporeal body from the vicinity of the computer monitor screen on which they viewed the web immediately prior to any possible contact with said massive interstellar gravity well. .......... 7. In the event that neither party can agree with a suitable solution to whatever problem is uncovered the procedure will then be to apply for binding arbitration from a third party as yet unnamed which shall be acceptable to both initial parties concerned unless that third party is unacceptable in which instance the procedure shall be in line with generally accepted chambers practice that of the random possibility of a short cylindrical object being precipitated a number of units of a suitable measure into the general surrounding atmosphere for an number of times which shall be three or other such odd number the markings on said object shall be chosen by the plaintiff and shall not be changeable once the procedure has commenced. Upon determining correctly the relevant markings as previously chosen the plaintiff shall have successfully completed the first phase of the arbitration procedure and then shall in turn proceed directly to the last phase to whit the tribute phase. This is beyond the scope of the current issue of this document. In the event that the plaintiff shall NOT correctly determine said markings then the procedure is over and both parties MUST accept the judgement of the arbitrator. (See addenda [C])
Clauses: exclusively intended to be read in conjunction with the disclaimer above.
[a] Unless my memory capacity at that moment in time is not sufficient to absorb all of the facts as well as post references on each page where information or data from external sources is appended. .......... [b] All conditions and terms stated in this document become null and void upon the invention fabrication or discovery of such apparati that would enable the user to transport same through time and/or space or a combination of such in conjunction with whatever phenomena are available to the human or other races at such time.
Disclaimer to the disclaimer notes clauses and disclaimer to the disclaimer:
If you can find any commas or features inconsistent with the general thrust of the premises in this document please (See note 4) If during the course of the perusal of this document the reader should come across any inconsistency the writer of said missive would be very grateful for Turnip: a definition:
(i) A vegetable normally but not exclusively grown in the ground with a bulbous root tapering usually but not in all occurrences to a pointed end sometimes with oddly-shaped protuberances commonly used as alternately display objects ballast during the transition of proposed edible comestibles between display and edible phases food and finally either fertiliser or similar products subject to the normal treatment of same. .......... (ii) Alternative nickname for the aforementioned person Barrie Turner also known as Baz the entity which created the web known as "Barrie Turner's Home Page" and of which details can be found by hyperlinks leading from the main index/entry point to said web.
Addenda: exclusively intended to be read in conjunction with the disclaimer above.
1.10 [A] Posted October 9 1997. In the first issue of this document the word "of" which should have been placed at the fourteenth position in the first sentence of the disclaimer was unfortunately omitted. Any supposed breach of trust or further incorrect supposition deemed to be applicable to the person referred to in note 2 on the the user of this web's part shall be covered by clause [a] above. In the event of any further ramifications caused by the omission of said word "of" please compose an email conforming with the general procedure of note 4 omitting such references to changes to the web in the sentences therein and proceed to inform the person referred to in note 2 of said repercussions (see note 7).
1.10 [B] Posted October 9 1997. The reference to clause [b] was inadvertently un-italicised. Any parties (see sentence 1 and note 3 for a fuller definition of terminology applicable) affected by this should IMMEDIATELY apply via email to the person referred to in note 2 informing said person of the extent to which such an oversight caused detriment to the normal smooth running of whatever situation they were subject to at the time (see clause [b]) and what recompense they feel that they should be entitled to.
(see note 7).
1.10 [C] Posted October 9 1997. Note 7 added regarding arbitration.
1.10 [D] Posted November 16 1997. For the purposes of easy communication any references to "Barrie Turner's Home Page" shall be included in the general remit of the naming conventions referred to in note 2 above. This addendum has been included to ensure that during the transition between the former pages and those known as "" no possibility of misinterpretation can arise as to the correct owner of these pages and the intellectual property held herein.
1.10 [E] Posted January 3 1999. Credits: For the purposes of reference only an entry into this web namely the btinternet.chatter newsgroup map created by Thief after an earlier design by MikeO was implemented this date. Any inaccuracies in or omissions from said map are the responsibility of the individual or individuals concerned to correct not the image creator nor the host of this web site.
1.20 Posted April 8 2001. After a web site redesign this disclaimer was inadvertently omitted. As a result at some time in the future a statement may or may not be posted on this web site to the effect that any damages sustained to any viewer during an act of reading any material contained in this or any previous site will be treated as non-actionable based on the well-known legal maxim that ignorance of the law is no excuse and the fact that this disclaimer acting in this instance as 'the law' though not resident in an accessible part of the current web nonetheless resided in the web space of the site author. Contact page deleted. A number of spaces (2) added. The word 'italicised' was spelled with a 'z'. The word 'immediately' was spelled with an extra 't'. The word 'relevant' was spelled with an 'e'. The word 'occurrences' was spelled with one 'r'. The word 'pertaining' had a prefix 'a'. The word 'should' has had the remaining 'h' added.

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