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Frankie Say No Curling

Winter Sport tradition strenuous Summer Equivalent Verdict
Downhill Skiing Yes Yes Sprinting Yes
Slalom Skiing Yes Yes Hurdles Yes
Cross Country Skiing Yes Yes Distance Running Yes
Biathlon Yes Yes Pentathlon Yes
Ski Jumping Yes Yes Long Jump Yes
Moguls Skiing No Yes Hurdles / Diving ? Yes
Freestyle Skiing No Yes Diving Yes
Snowboard Slalom No Yes Hurdles ? Yes
Snowboard Halfpipe No Semi Skateboarding No
Bobsled Yes No Soapbox Derby Maybe
Luge Yes No Cycling? Yes
Speed Skating Yes Yes track Yes
Short Track Skating No Yes Roller Derby No
Figure Skating Yes Yes Gymnastics Yes
Pairs Skating Yes Yes no comparison Yes
Ice Dancing Yes No Ballroom Dancing No
Ice Hockey Yes Yes Soccer Yes
Curling No No Shuffleboard NO!

The quality of the Winter Olympics is diminished by Sport Inflation. It had been happening for a while, but in 1998 I finally realized they'd gone too far. The IOC wants the winter games to rake in more sponsorship money, so they're adding events that don't deserve it. For the good of the human race, we must remove these lesser faux-sports and send them back to the minor leagues.

What is an "Olympic" sport?

  1. Is it a well respected sport in most countries (that have snow)?
  2. Does it demand peak athletic performance from competitors?
  3. Is the most comparable summer/winter activity also a traditional Olympic sport?

Don't get me wrong, I think that Halfpipe, Dancing, and Bocce / Shuffleboard / Lawn Bowling are great things to do. I've enjoyed all of them myself. But in the final analysis, they're NOT sports, they're advertising revenue generators.

p.s. Yes, the Summer Games are also badly inflated. I'd rather watch Texas Hold-em than some postmodern dance show with hoops and ribbons.


I like HAARP 100 Award Super Award

1998 Hockey Hall of Shame
Guy Hebert Anaheim Mighty Ducks
Raymond Bourque Boston Bruins
Theoren Fleury Calgary Flames
Keith Primeau Carolina Hurricanes
Chris Chelios
Gary Suter
Keith Carney
Tony Amonte
Chicago Blackhawks
Adam Deadmarsh
Adam Foote
Joe Sakic
Patrick Roy
Colorado Avalanche
Derian Hatcher
Jamie Langenburnner
Joe Nieuwendyk
Mike Modano
Dallas Stars
Brendan Shanahan
Steve Yzerman
Detroit Red Wings
Curtis Joseph
Doug Weight
Edmonton Oilers
John Vanbiesbrouck Florida Panthers
Rob Blake LA Kings
Mark Recchi
Shayne Corson
Montreal Canadiens
Bill Guerin
Martin Brodeur
Scott Stevens
NJ Devils
Bryan Berard
Trevor Linden
NY Islanders
Brian Leetch
Mike Richter
Pat LaFontaine
Wayne Gretzky
NY Rangers
Shawn McEachern Ottawa Senators
Eric Desjardins
Eric Lindros
Joel Otto
John Leclair
Rod Brindamour
Philadelphia Flyers
Jeremy Roenick
Keith Tkachuk
Phoenix Coyotes
Kevin Hatcher Pittsburgh Penguins
Al Macinnis
Brett Hull
St Louis Blues
Rob Zamuner Tampa Bay Lightning
Matthieu Schneider Toronto Maple Leafs

Special Bonus Track:

The NHL Sucks

So, the fat cat executives got together in their smoke-filled room and said "hey, we could make a bunch of money if our hockey players had gold medals". Show the rest of the world how hockey is done, just like the Dream Team did with Basketball. As easy as scoring on a power play against a team of Samoan grandmothers, right?

BZZT!

The National Hockey League got their skates handed to them in Nagano, for one simple reason. THEY SUCK!

The US team was nowhere near the quality of the amateur teams we've sent in previous years, and the Canadians weren't much better. They were outranked by teams like Kazakhstan. Kazakhstan! We're talking about a country that didn't even exist ten years ago, and here they are whomping on the highest paid skaters in the world!

And these guys are supposed to be the very best in the NHL? I'd hate to see how badly kicked the rest of the League's asses would get. Along with the idiots who came up with this brilliant marketing idea, the NHL ought to fire as many current players as possible and replace them with some headhunted Czech's.



Creative Commons License Go back to Frankie's Politics Page, or wherever you came from. Last updated 2004/07/18

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